Xavier’s Take on Dating Today

July 29, 2009

On Monday, I featured one young woman’s perspective on the world of contemporary dating.

Today, I decided to interview Xavier Garcia, one of my bosses here at Nieubreed, about his take on the scene. His view is admittedly more critical, but it serves as a good wake-up call to people nowadays who may have become too accustomed with being careless in regards to relationships (hope you enjoy the random pictures of famous happy couples spliced in…oh I am quite fond of the Muppets)…

“Unfortunately in today’s American culture, we’re slowly losing the whole aspect of dating and (traditionally) what dating is supposed to be. I’m talking completely gone. The whole concept of chivalry has been diluted by what you see on TV…diluted by a mixture of the MTV generation, hip hop and time. Plain and simple, time. Time has an intriguing ability to weather away things that you’d think are constants and solids….even deeply rooted traditions. For example, how often do you see a guy open a car door for a girl while on a date and graciously let her in a la stage-coach? Or it’s like you look into a crowd of people and you watch couples and you’ve got the guy sprinting ahead with the woman trying to catch up behind him, pulled by an invisible leash of desperation while she struggles to keep up with her “too cool” boyfriend.

harry-sally-topper

Harry & Sally

When we were at the Boston Commons playing football the other day, there was this dude and this girl walking across the middle of the field. They were trying to get across, right in the middle of the game, to some of the restaurants that were on the other side of the street. The dude was literally sprint-walking across the field (all the while maintaining his swagger) while the girl in her heels was left behind to struggle against the terrain as every step sunk her deeper into the soft grass. She could have very easily been slapped in the face by football while the guy was safely on the other side, beckoning for her to come hither. I sat there amazed as thoughts overtook my mind with wonder as to where has the sense of protection gone? The sense of being a gentleman? It just doesn’t exist.

lucy

Lucy & Desi

Now how does this translate to the dating world? With today’s youth, they see dating as a precursor to “getting some.” As the means to the “end.” And what is the end exactly? I suppose that depends on the perspective. But If you’re looking at it from a hip-hop generation’s point of view (women are just as guilty as men of this in today’s young American culture), it may not be what traditionally has been the case. We’re so conditioned to relate with the Jay-Z, Puffy, or Kanye: “I’ve got bling, I’ve got power and I’ve got girls” mentality that we lose focus on what the whole concept of dating is actually supposed to accomplish. Perhaps an exploration and a soul searching of each other? Dare i say to get to know each other and understand each other?

muppets-kermit-miss-piggy_l

Miss Piggy & Kermit

The whole dating process from beginning to end should be (and used to be) a mutual agreement that a working union of two involved work and work involved phases, steps, goals, etc. Something similar to climbing a ladder. Each rung would signify the next step in the relationship and as you climb up you get closer to the ultimate goal where one would find marriage (OMG!!! The DIRTY word). Perhaps you don’t go into every relationship feverishly fixed upon that final goal of marriage, but you are supposed to take it as “the next step is _____ on this ladder…now how do we get to that next step together?”

wilma-flintstone

Wilma & Fred

Now, I’m not even gonna get into college dating, because that’s just a big fiasco.
But understand that in any situation, any location, at any point in time, at any point of your life, whether high school, college, grad school or your professional life (yes, I do not think that kids should be dating before high school..they should be playing with their X Men figures, flashlight tag, Barbie Dolls or bombardment!!), it shouldn’t matter the situation…you can always make that extra effort to treat your girlfriend like she’s truly special. I just don’t see an excuse for acting otherwise. I think any real man would take a look at “his girl” and realize she’s a daughter or perhaps a sister to somebody – and what if that somebody was you?

casablanca

Rick & Ilsa

She’s somebody’s little princess. And maybe someday you’ll expect the same of the man that comes to court your own daughter (Haha, courtship! Remember that?). Yet we live in this vicious cycle of overprotective and over bearing brothers & fathers who lay judgment upon their little girl’s every move based upon painful memories of an unsuccessful dating history.

X&ReneewithPalmtree

Renee & Xavier

Culture and identity is very easily skewed, very easily influenced by external forces. So how do we remedy this? Can we ever get back to the days of holding hands, no kissing on a first date, having her back by 8pm and other such Pleasantville-like rules, at least in the initial phases of dating? Well, in words that an MTV-raised youth would understand, “man up!” Treat your ladies with respect because 90% of the time, you don’t know how good you have it until you lose it (an oh-so-true cliche). Let’s not compromise our values. Your manhood is NOT measured by your locker room stories. Nobody cares how insecure you are and how you try to cover that up with your bravado when mistreating your mate. Dating leads to finding love and love is NO JOKE. Greater and bigger men have died for such a complex concept, world religions were birthed on this notion, and nations came together because of this credence… I think it’s time we no longer took this thing so lightly.”

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