Every Little Thing

June 2, 2010

In romantic comedies, there is an over-abundance of men making these grandiose gestures to woo the woman of their dreams.

Love Actually is a British Romantic Comedy about a variety of couples. In almost each circumstance, the man does something outrageous to win the girl of their dreams.  Even the adorable little boy in the movie learns how to play the drums for the girl to win her affection and plays at this huge concert in front of all his classmates (and apparently everyone else in the movie). When that didn’t work and she had to go out of town, he then runs through security in the airport (post 9-11) just to get a kiss. Ridiculous. Grand. Unrealistic.

When I first thought of extreme romantic gestures, I first thought of Say Anything.  But now that I look back on it, what seemed romantic now just seems creepy and stalkerish. I mean if my ex-boyfriend came to my window and held a boombox over his head wearing an oversized trench coat that eerily resembled the coat that loner kid at everyone’s school wore…I’d say I would be a little more than creeped out.  But, I’ll give him credit for grandiose because his stalking was indeed quite grand. I really hope it’s unrealistic, because I don’t want that level of stalking to ever happen to me.

Everything about the movie “The Notebook” is grand, including the length of the film. He builds her a house. A house! With his bare hands! That was just a tiny sliver of things that he did for this woman.  The sad thing is, she ended up getting Alzheimer’s, and didn’t even remember it… oops.

Just as they wanted, I bought (literally, I have 2 of those movies I talked about) into these fictional re-tellings with the faulty logic that if a man loves you–he will do something RIDICULOUSLY grand to win you over.  As I had relationships of my own, I started being faced with the striking reality that those happenings were, for the most part, a lie. I began to see that the things overlooked in these finely crafted cinematic features were all the little things that I appreciate in a significant other.  Polling friends of mine from all over the US, I came up with 10 (in no real order) little often over-looked little things they appreciate in their boyfriends, spouses, or fiancés:

  1. “I appreciate those hugs that last 3 seconds longer than you think they will”
  2. “When he gets up to get something and asks me if I need anything gently reminding me that if I ever needed anything he would be more than happy to help”
  3. “When he shows concern and asks questions about my family, specifically my grandparents”
  4. “I love when he texts cute phrases or quotes to me”
  5. “I appreciate the little kisses in the morning while I’m still sleeping and he’s about to leave.”
  6. “I love his consideration for me accepting invitations to certain things with coming to me first, making time for me with his busy schedule.”
  7. “I love that he let’s me take charge when something is important to me, like intricate wedding planning details.”
  8. “When he cooks”
  9. “That he doesn’t mind going shopping with me”
  10. “He always manages gives me a hug or kiss goodbye”

Sometimes, less really is more.

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